How I Changed My Identity To Avoid Overwhelm And Build Resilience

How was your week?

Mine was very full.

We celebrated Zak’s birthday with an intimate dinner party – which sounds like it would be easy to pull together, but in reality was… a lot.

Of course, it was worth it to get to connect with those closest to us.

This party was on top of the last few months also being full with enrolling new students in my coaching schools, working on the new project I can’t WAIT to launch for you soon, Rain’s birthday party week, changes in my personal life (more to come on this), my dad’s dementia, coaching my students every week, and more.

I feel like I haven’t stopped going, doing, or being since August! 

And here’s the thing… I have realized after 17 years of being a coach and deep-diving into personal development that my life is my message.

If you haven’t noticed, usually what I share with you is what I’m also learning, or need to learn the most.

Which is why this week I wanted to chat with you about overwhelm.

I know you’ve felt it too.

Maybe not this week or the last but some week. And maybe for you, like for me, it’s been every week!

But here’s something I decided a while ago…

I’m the kind of person who doesn’t do overwhelm.

Yes, that’s my Identity.

Now… is that always easy? Fuck to the no.

Do I have to remind mySELF of who I am? Every. Single. Day.

But is it ultimately easier to decide that I’m the kind of person who doesn’t do overwhelm? Yes. Yes it is.

It’s so much easier than being someone who is overwhelmed and trying to DO things to get rid of stress.

Do you see the difference?

The last one is me trying to DO something, using willpower, self-talk, and sometimes just flat out white-knuckling it.

The first one is me just BEING the person I want to be.

Subtle but SO so powerful! Plus, it’s so much easier!

Doing is hard. Being is easy. 

This is the power of Identity-Based Coaching.

Today, I encourage you to get clear on who you would BE if you became the person who didn’t do overwhelm.

Keep reading and I’ll tell you how!

How to Change Your Identity to Avoid Overwhelm

In order to assume the identity of someone who doesn’t do overwhelm, you must first get clear on WHO that person is.

Take some time and write out some statements about how your new Identity behaves.

Here are some examples to get you started…

When I feel stressed, I’m the kind of person who immediately takes 10 deep breaths and goes outside to recenter.

When I start feeling like there’s too much on my plate, I’m the kind of person who finds a quiet place and looks at what I can delegate or delete from my list. 

When I have a list of things that only I can do, instead of feeling overwhelm, I’m the kind of person who grabs my favorite beverage, does a 5 minute mediation to clear my head, and prioritizes that list based on my values.

You get the idea!

Write down at least 3 statements for how YOUR new Identity deals with overwhelm and then start acting as it today! 

How Setting Boundaries Can Help You Avoid Overwhelm

In the SELF Coaching above, I wonder if you wrote down anything about boundaries.

I’ll tell you the truth, I used to not have ANY boundaries. 

I was a people pleaser and cared deeply about what others thought of me.

But in the end, I was the one suffering and compromising. So…

I set boundaries and I’ve never looked back.

As someone who doesn’t do overwhelm, you understand the importance of safeguarding your peace.

(And if that’s not in one of the statements you created above, consider adding it!)

Once you’re clear on your boundaries, which could look like…

• I focus on one thing at a time to avoid overwhelm. 
• I say no, even when I worry that I might disappoint someone. My peace and well-being is more important than their needs.
• I go to bed by 10pm each night. 

Communicate them and stick to them.

Don’t compromise for anything or anyone.

If you do, you’re confusing your brain around who your new Identity is and it will be so much harder to BEcome SELF Made.

And we’re about making change easy around here, remember?

When You Avoid Overwhelm, Success Is A Natural Outcome

As you embrace the Identity of someone who doesn’t do overwhelm, you’ll find that success becomes a natural outcome. Fun, right? 

When you decide that you are someone who doesn’t do overwhelm, you’ll make decisions from a place of confidence.

And you won’t worry about making the “wrong” decisions because you know that regardless of the outcome, you will stay calm, learn, and grow!

You’ll naturally tackle anything that gets in your way methodically and efficiently because you have now become someone who “doesn’t do overwhelm”.

And even better… Resilience becomes second nature! (THIS!!!)

You will bounce back from setbacks quickly and overcoming adversity will come easy to you simply because this is part of your new Identity.

Deep breath in….. anddddd exhale.

As I’ve said a kabillion times before (yes, that’s a number) change does NOT have to be as hard as we’ve been led to believe.

When you choose to simply BEcome someone new, you don’t even have to try. You just… be!