What Really Holds You Back…

I walked into the already crowded room where people were chatting and laughing, drinks in hand.

They wore beautiful dresses and suits. Their “Sunday best,” as my mamaw would have said.

Immediately, I felt that familiar feeling of wanting to shrink so no one could see me. Kind of like Alice in Alice in Wonderland when she drank from the random bottle labeled “drink me” (seriously, Alice?!).

As I checked in to make sure my name was “on the list,” I started to worry that maybe it wasn’t.

Maybe that’s how I would know I didn’t belong here.

How embarrassing.

And what about my dress? Was it too much?

Were the people looking at me with kind eyes really judging me underneath their smiles?

Cue the freakout…I knew I shouldn’t have come. I don’t fit in. I don’t even know the right outfit to wear.

I’m not made for environments like this. What if they find out I’m a fraud?

I’m just a girl from the sticks trying to fit in at a Beverly Hills event where everyone else is more successful and deserving than I am.

*record scratch*

WHAT is going on??

This was me at a charity gala for mental health hosted by brain expert Dr. Daniel Amen. (The irony.)

And yes, my name was on the list, and yes, I belonged there with close friends and influential leaders.

But what didn’t belong was the stories I was telling myself that night.

Now, I don’t normally tell myself stories like this. Stories that don’t serve me. I know better.

But this night was a perfect storm. I had worked for two weeks straight without a day off, hadn’t eaten that day, drove an hour into the city to get to this event, and I was mentally and physically exhausted.

I didn’t have the capacity to take a deep breath and realize that none of the stories I was telling myself were true.

BUT, this experience did serve a purpose… I get to share it with you so that maybe you can prevent the mental meltdown I experienced.

So let me give it to you straight, no chaser…

We, humans, are a wild bunch.

We tell stories to give meaning to what happens to us because it is a natural way for us to make sense of our experiences.

Stories like…“Sally didn’t text me back; clearly, she hates me now.” “He left me on read. I’m out of my league.”