Stop Chasing Approval and Begin Loving Yourself

I’ve been deep diving into something amazing we’re creating at my coaching schools that’s going to shake up the whole coaching industry.

I am not playing (I said it) and I can’t wait to share it!

What else….

Rain is gearing up to go back to school next week and Zak and I have been deep diving into new ways we can uplevel our relationship together.

It’s all been so much fun and I’m feeling so deeply fed by love and connection.

As I’ve been thinking about love and connection this week, I’ve been remembering that for most of my life, I didn’t have that.

One story in particular stood out to me and I felt compelled to share it with you.

I was 11 years old. Sitting on a bus with a girl who was one grade above me and bullied me on a regular basis.

I mean like every time she saw me, I knew there would be a shit show.

We were on a field trip to some nearby caverns and everyone, except the two of us, was in the gift shop.

I wasn’t because I didn’t have any money to spend.

I didn’t want to feel embarrassed so it was just easier to pretend I didn’t feel well and go to the bus to wait for the others.

Gathering up my courage, I reached into my little bag, pulled out my brand-new bottle of pink nail polish, and held it out to her.

“Do you want this?” I asked.

“You’re just going to give it to me?” she said.

“Yeah, you can have it if you want,” was my response.

The nail polish had been a gift from my mamaw and it was very special to me. It was the prettiest shade of light pink and I loved it.

But what I loved more was being accepted. Being acknowledged. Feeling seen, heard, and like I mattered.

I desperately wanted friends. And I thought I could get this girl to be my friend by giving up one of my most treasured possessions – my bottle of pink nail polish.

She looked at me suspiciously, like she too knew that nothing came for free.

And then she reached for it, took it, and said, “thanks”.

Hmmmm…. Now what? I thought.

“Do you like it?” I said.

Her response… “Yep”.

And that was that.

I know… it’s kind of anti-climactic.

But it wasn’t for me. 

I was devastated inside because I believed if I did something nice for her, she would be my friend. I thought if I gave her something I really valued and treasured, that she would value and treasure me.

But that didn’t happen.

And worst of all, my nail polish was gone!

You see, I didn’t get frivolous items like nail polish often, and when I did, I was so very grateful. But in that moment, I felt like a loser.

I had lost my gift and I had lost a friend I never even had. Ugh.

The moral of the story (because you know there is one) is… seeking approval from others usually backfires.

Listen… You can’t make people like or accept you by giving them your most prized possessions. And no, I’m not talking about nail polish.

I’m talking about the REALLY valuable things… your heart, your trust, your time.

It simply doesn’t work.

You can’t make someone like you, no matter what you gift them, and if that’s your strategy, you’re going to fail. 

I know that hits hard but I gotta tell you the truth.

This is a form of people pleasing and it never, ever works.

BUT what you CAN do is focus on yourSELF.

You can be the parent, friend, lover, sibling, and co-worker you want and need and also give yourSELF the valuable gifts that you have to offer – your love, trust, companionship, and time.

You can be wildly intoxicated with yourSELF! 

The goal is to be enough on your own so you aren’t desperate for attention or acceptance from others.

Validate yourSELF and you’ll attract people who love and support you. They will see your gifts and value their connection with you simply because you’re YOU.

Authenticity is a rare currency these days. You know I speak the truth.

And you, my dear friend, are a rare gift to the planet that deserves to be treasured.

So love yourSELF, treasure yourSELF, spend time with yourSELF.

And keep your nail polish.

 

WHY YOU CAN SAY NO

Are you ready to stop giving away your heart, time, attention, trust, and loyalty to people who don’t deserve it, hoping for their approval?

Awesome! (And it’s about time. I kid! Or do I?)

So… here’s what you do…

Set healthy boundaries. I know… nobody likes talking about them yet errrbody wants them. Sigh.

Listen… You gotta learn to say “no” to situations and people that drain you or disrespect your worth and your time.

By respecting yourSELF enough to establish these limits, you create a space where you are giving yourSELF what you need instead of hoping to get it from other people.

Get clear on what you will – and more importantly, will NOT – tolerate.

Know, specifically, the kind of people you will and will not invite into your life, home, and heart.

Know your limits – emotional and physical. What are you available for and what drains you?

Say no. No is a full sentence.

Once you’re clear on your boundaries and what you will and will not allow, write them down.

And then swear on the thickest book you can find in your house that you will never, ever break those boundaries for anyone or anything. (Even really attractive anyone’s, I see you. )

Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls; it’s about creating a framework that allows you to care for and respect yourSELF – no people pleasing required.

 

IT’S TIME TO BE YOUR OWN BIGGEST FAN

So, let’s talk about the whole approval-seeking game we all tend to play, shall we?

You know, the one where we look for validation from others like our entire worth depends on their nods of approval?

It’s time to stop that madness and give ourselves the validation we deserve. I mean… seriously.

In a world that often measures worth by numbers of followers, remember that your value is so much more than that!

You’re this incredible, one-of-a-kind human, and your worth is already baked into your being. Stop scrambling for likes or applause. It’s time to be your own biggest fan.

How Sway?

Embrace your quirks because they’re what make you uniquely amazing.

• Celebrate your achievements – no matter how small – daily.
• Acknowledge your efforts and high five yourSELF without waiting for applause from anyone.
• Stop giving even a single mouse fuck about what other people think.

When you release the need for outside validation it’s like a breath of fresh air. (There you go, breathe it in!)

You’ll walk with a newfound confidence that attracts the kind of people you actually WANT to spend time with.

You are worthy of love, respect, and yes, your own approval. 

So, let’s raise our glass to embracing who we are and giving ourselves the love, respect, and acknowledgment we’ve been seeking everywhere else.

Because choosing self-validation isn’t selfish; it’s an act of profound self-care. It’s freedom.

 

HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL (WITHOUT TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE)

Ah, the business world – where seeking approval and trying to please everyone is like juggling flaming torches.

Let’s cut the act and get real about how to actually be successful without trying to please everyone, shall we?

Here are some tips that will help:

• Bye-Bye Everyone, Hello Niche: Trying to please everyone is just not possible. Focus on your niche – the folks who love what you offer – and let other people be served by someone else.
• Boundaries are Your BFFs: We’ve talked about this but let’s review… Just like you wouldn’t invite a raccoon to a dinner party, don’t invite people, projects, and even prices that don’t align with who you are and what you want into your business. Again, no is a full sentence.
• Authenticity is Your Selling Point: Don’t be a chameleon, changing colors to blend in and hope people like you. Instead, be YOU! Market yourself authentically – it’s like a magnet for like-minded customers.